“I always thought those lessons on your bucket of emotions were silly because I thought everyone knew about it, but there’s this kid on my swim team who is just flat out mean. I don’t think he ever learned about buckets.”
My sweet middle kiddo is not a fast swimmer, she is a distance swimmer. She’s also not one to let other people’s thoughts and actions affect her (read The Four Agreements for more). So when she brought up the desire to drop out of one of her swim leagues I knew this was more serious than just a stray comment here and there.
For those of you that don’t know, the bucket of emotions is pretty simple, and very easy to teach to kids of all ages. The concept is that everyone has a bucket of happiness, satisfaction, and contentment. The more you have of these emotions, the more full your bucket is. The less you have, obviously the less full your bucket is. People whose buckets are full are more kind, considerate, happy, willing to try new things, and have a higher overall satisfaction with life. People whose buckets are low are the ones you see screaming at the cashier or their kids, they’re sad, angry, or somehow hurting emotionally. They’re the people that need a moment to collect themselves before continuing about their day. We’ve all been there.
The question is, how do you fill your bucket? You do something to fill someone else’s bucket.
How do you fill someone else’s bucket? The easy ones are to give a compliment, hold the door, smile, wave, tell them to have a great day, let them go first, use your manners, compliment their work, give a hug, or say something good about them to someone else. The sky is the limit here. If it would make you feel good, more than likely it will help someone else feel good, too. This is also where the fake it until you make it mantra comes in handy. You know you’re not in the best of moods, so you really don’t want to fill someone else’s bucket, but these simple acts will truly help bring your mood around.
You can also fill a bucket with a little more planning. Bring someone lunch or invite them to eat lunch with you, bring them a small plant from your garden, meet up for coffee, send a thinking of you note, or a note of thanks or encouragement, go somewhere and chat, share a funny with them, or offer to help them with something.
You can also plan ahead for total strangers. Get a handful of smaller rocks and write, or paint, words of kindness and inspiration on them and leave them around your neighborhood. Bring a box of baked goods to the nursing home, offer to teach a skill you have, volunteer at a local (insert anywhere that needs a volunteer in your vicinity) because they all need help. Lots of options, and definitely feel free to expand on the list of options!
The thing is, when you do something positive for someone else, not only does it make them feel good, it makes you feel good, too. The opposite is true, as well. If someone cuts you off in traffic, it doesn’t make you feel any better if you turn around and cut someone else off. So, to help stop that feeling of negativity, do something positive for someone else, without any expectations in return. Seriously, no expectations! The hand-wave of thanks, while nice to receive, is not a requirement if you let them in. Don’t expect the thank you if you hold the door open for someone, just know in your heart, and in your bucket, you helped someone.
One of the ways we reinforced this concept with the kids is making it one of our regular dinner questions. Granted, our regular sit down dinners have become scarce, but we still try to make it a habit to ask each kid when we see them in the evening. The two questions we try to ask each day are “What did you learn today?” and “How were you kind today?”
Don’t have a dinner partner to check in with? Leave a comment below, or find a journal to write down your daily gratitudes and accomplishments. It doesn’t have to be a fancy journal. My favorite journal is a regular old composition book.
There are tons of books out there to help teach the bucket concept. One of our favorites is “Have You Filled A Bucket Today?” by Carol McCloud.
I hope you find plenty of buckets to help fill up, and that your own bucket is filled with love.