Month: April 2020

It’s Tough

Here’s what I screwed up today: I failed at calmly teaching my kid about fractions and we both wound up in tears, yelling, and interrupting my husbands call with one of the head people at his company (notice all 3 failures there). I tried to make bread and screwed it up twice – the first was that I used an entire packet of yeast in stead of 1/4 tsp because I misread the label and thought that the whole packet was 1/4 tsp, not that 1/4 tsp was the serving amount and that there were actually 24 quarter teaspoons. The second is that I used wax paper to let the bread rise the second time instead of parchment paper and it stuck like glue in carpet. I also messed up the last of the knitting project I was working on. And mind you, I’m writing this at 10 am and this was all today.

Now here is the absolute toughest part – not letting this bother me, and continuing to move on about my day. I really, really suck at this part. I tend to hold on to my feelings of failure and let it bother me for the rest of the day. I try hard, and when I fail at letting the emotions go, I feel even more like a failure and it’s a gigantic snowball of feeling like crap. And then once I start to feel this way it’s even easier to find myself falling into bad eating habits (read chocolate and other junk food), losing my patience even faster at my kids, feeling terrible about my health choices, and all the other things that I feel terrible about comes boiling up to the surface. It’s a really good way to be completely miserable.

How do you go about feeling better? Well, once I’ve beaten myself up for the day, sometimes two days, I finally kick myself hard enough in the ass to get a grip and get back into routine. There are a couple good fast ways to start to feel better. The first is to do a quick brisk walk outside. Not everybody has this option, especially if you’ve got small kiddos at home. If you can do a quick workout that helps, too. You don’t need to change into workout clothes, just pop a couple moves out really fast and take a couple minute pause. Find a counter and do 5-10 leaning pushups, do a 30-second to 1-minute wall sit, and do a couple of squats. Super simple, or maybe not, but keep doing it and it will get easier. If you have the time get a quick cry out of the way so you can bust out those feelings, and then go wash your face so you can get back to it. A lot of times those burst of emotions just need to get out.

If you have a little bit more time then do a full work out and then take a shower. Or just take a shower. Not a bath where you can languish in your misery, a shower. Make it as hot or cold as you like, but get a good shower in – you can also use this time to cry but the shower and fresh clean start is important. This also gives you the time to think of alternative solutions and fresh ideas to help you with whatever problem you are facing. But don’t go off the deep end and make your problem worse by thinking of extreme, unfulfillable solutions.

Take this opportunity, no matter how small it is, to start over. It won’t be a completely fresh start, it won’t be a total do-over, but it is a new beginning. Grab this new beginning and do your best. The emphasis here is best, not be perfect. Nobody is perfect, nobody will be perfect, and holding yourself to that standard is only going to make you feel worse when you don’t accomplish what you feel is perfect. So just stop. Lower that standard to best and you won’t be nearly as miserable when what you accomplish is incredible in other people’s eyes, but not perfect in your own. Let that shit go.

Now go take your moment to acknowledge that you feel like crap, wash your face, and do your best for the moment. You got this!

Schedule Your Kiddos

Three weeks of spring break with no expectations of schooling, scheduling, or outside activities. If you’re like me, you had a mild panic attack. This was like summer break, but without the summer, the break, or the prep work that goes into doing “nothing” over summer. So if you’re looking for a few ideas on what, and how to create a schedule for your kids while you’re on break and before your distance learning kicks in I’ve got some below.

First and foremost set your expectations. Set them low. No, lower than that. Still lower. Okay, that’s good. You were already a busy parent juggling work, family, and trying to take care of yourself. Now you’ve been handed an additional full time job of teaching/entertaining/not strangling your kids for the entire day. Hang in there! You got this!! Lower (or get rid of !) your expectations and you will feel way less guilt about the amount, or lack thereof, of structured time your kids are getting. It’s not going to set them back in their schooling, it’s not going to irreparably stunt their capabilities, it’s just another break from school that literally every kid (except maybe homeschooled kids) are getting. Teachers are preparing for this, schools are preparing for this, and it’s going to be okay.

Now, on to the scheduling part. Time blocks are important. Walk into any elementary school and they have blocks of time set aside for each thing they do. And these blocks stay the same each day, too. This way kids know what to expect and it isn’t a surprise. You’re much more likely to get daily buy-in if you have a routine, whether they actually want to do what is scheduled for that time or not. Each learning block should be 30-45 minutes long depending on the age of the kid. Use those leftover minutes to fully stop the activity, clean up from that activity, get some wiggles out, stretch, and drink some water. These extra minutes of wiggles are really important, no matter how old the kid is. Even in high school you have to walk to your next class, getting your blood flowing and your brain a chance to move on to what is next. No-one likes being slammed with information for hours on end.

Get the heavy duty learning done in the morning. Math, writing, and reading, are best morning activities. It’s when we’re the most alert, and ready to absorb the information. But again, make sure they are in blocks appropriate in length to your kid. Here is where those low expectations come in. These are slow learning subjects. They get taught one day, and then you review, and review again, and review again. Then you can move on to the next little step in learning, then review, and review, and review again. It’s boring as heck for an adult, but if you can make a game out of it, it’s a lot more fun. It’s even more fun seeing the lightbulb go on in your kids’ head when they totally understand the concept you’re teaching them.

Once you’re done with the heavy duty stuff and the wiggle sessions, let them play. Go fix lunch, or warm up leftovers but let them play. This gives you some alone time, it gives them some alone time, and you each get a chance to take a deep breath. If they got what you were teaching, or reviewing, great! If they didn’t catch on, they will eventually. Take it nice and slow, and keep your patience. Give them lots of encouragement, and lots of time. Once lunch is done with let them play some more.

The afternoons are the time for “yes” and experiments and outside the box learning. Big in the learning world right now is the acronym STEAM. It stands for science, technology, engineering, art, and math (although I change it in my world to make). Five letters, five days of the week. Pick a science experiment on Monday, technology on Tuesday, engineering on Wednesday, art on Thursday, and make on Friday. Let your kid have a larger part in the doing of this project. This is their fun learning time. It’s going to be a little more stressful for you if you micromanage every little bit of the afternoon project. Let it go, lower your expectations, and find the fun. They’ll learn along the way.

There are plenty of ideas for each of the STEAM categories on various websites. Find one that you can do, and that won’t grate on your nerves too much (remember to lower those expectations!) and let them explore the afternoon. This is also a time where you can let them lead what they want to do. Ask them what kind of science experiment they want to do. Almost anything they want to do can fit into one of these categories. Do they like to play with Legos – that fits under engineering, art, science, math. How about painting – that goes under art, science. Baking cookies is science, math/making, art, engineering. Let the internet be your friend here. There are lots of ideas out there, and, more importantly kids learn from fun. It doesn’t have to be a strict learning session, it just needs to be something to do.

Here is the schedule we follow for my 6, 8, and 11 year olds

  • 7:00 Breakfast (play after breakfast until time to write)
  • 8:00 Writing Prompt / write letter to a senior or out of state family member
  • 8:30 Typing or handwriting (my kids asked to learn cursive)
  • 8:45 Math
  • 9:30 Reading
  • 10:30 Play outside
  • 11:30 Eat Lunch (play until STEAM)
  • 1:00 STEAM
  • 3:30 Clean up a room in the house (I have a schedule for this, too)
  • Play some more!!
  • 6:00 Dinner

Adjust your schedule as you need to, but once you find one that works, keep to it. Routine is very helpful for you and your kids keeping your sanity. And lower those expectations!!


The Age of Yes

A quick little post of encouragement for you. If you’re like me, you’re trapped social distancing with a gaggle of kiddos at home. It’s really easy to get stuck in a pattern of “no” when you’re being bombarded with requests from your kids. This isn’t fun for anyone. Your kids are looking for some fun, you’re looking for a little sanity and “no” doesn’t help solve either of those problems.

Here is your permission to say “yes”. Let them play in your too-big-for-them shoes? Let them learn how to tie a tie. Let them play in your makeup. Let them dig a hole in the yard and fill it with water (check first with your local utilities group first to make sure there aren’t any gas or electric lines!). Let them figure out how to bake some cookies. Let them “swim” in the bathtub. Just say “yes”! Let them be kids – after all, that’s what they are.

Now, this isn’t blanket permission for them to go hog wild. You still need to set your boundaries and expectations that they clean up whatever they get into (and you’ll still have to help them a little bit). What a great way for them to learn something other than their normal daily school and get to explore a little bit. And yes, this will be a little extra messy, and a little more fun, and a little more wild, but what great memories, and learning experiences they will gain! I would much rather they remember that they learned how (or how not to) do something, than that they were bored out of their minds for months and they weren’t allowed to do anything but twiddle their thumbs.

If you’re working on schooling your kiddos, then let your “yes” time be in the afternoon once all their mandatory stuff is done. You can also limit it to one big yes each day – that way you get to keep a little bit more of your sanity. You’re in this together – what would you have liked to have done if you were the kid?